he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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