Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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