Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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