We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
The air taste purple.
Randomize
