You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
