This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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