Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
