She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
