I wish life had little blips of pornography
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
