if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
