super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
