He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
