How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
