Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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