I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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