Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
