I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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