I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
