Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
