I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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