Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
