You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Found your dick twin last night
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
