Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
