My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
