I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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