Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
