Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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