I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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