I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
