i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
