I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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