i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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