I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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