Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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