Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
