But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
