If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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