respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
