Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
