Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
