so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
