Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
