next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
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