Sponge bath it is.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
