Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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