well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We left the knife in your bed.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
