Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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