$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He better not be in your backpack
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
