Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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