It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
