I wanna passion pit in your ass
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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