i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just want nice things and good sex
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
