At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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