At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
