Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
